I wake to the buzzing of my alarm clock.
Its a Monday, a Monday when most of everyone I know is asleep and happily content with who they are, or so it seems. Its summer break, and I fucked up again.
Ive never been to summer school, I guess I have always slid by somehow.
Mom busts into my room.
She speaks.
Kevin...you have summer school starting today. You need to get up.
Yeah..I know.
Well.. get dressed and I will be waiting in the car.

This whole past school year, Ive been at one of the top schools in the country.
I failed one class and was asked to leave..one fucking class.
I mean I could have passed of course, but one class?
It is an all guys school, I always got shit from other friends at different schools.
The gay jokes came up often.
I never laughed.
One year at this school really gave me maturity in many ways.
I wonder what would come of me if I stayed the remaining three years?
My parents were not really mad I guess, they just wanted to keep me in a private school still and the best option was one I attended in middle school. It is a small school, everyone knows everyone. Which is not always a good thing but it is nice. They are one of the only schools in this area that holds summer school classes. Its going to be weird seeing the faces I last saw in 6th grade.
Class clown has been my role ever since I could remember.
I don't really know why, I guess it is because I could never really be serious with people.
I'm eager to see what they say when they see how much Ive changed.
Rides with my mom are not all that exciting.
Its either Gospel music, or talking.
I don't like either, but I cant complain.
As we pull up into the school parking lot, I see so many new changes.
New buildings, new people, new everything floods the campus. Well.. campus wouldn't really be the best term. This small christian school is basically a small lot with buildings scattered about.
Mom has been talking about something this whole time, I only hear the last few words.
...have an interview with the counselor soon, ok?
ok.
I get out of the car, of course mom says love you.
I close the door.
Walking into the front door, the smells return to me. The memories, the past.
Memories of basketball game cheer, cool soccer game nights, and the feeling of safety.
I can handle this.
I walk up to the registering desk.
I have no idea what I need to do.
Mom usually comes and does this shit, I told her i could handle it.
Can I help you?
Some lady is speaking to me.
Oh, yes.. I'm here for summer school.
How many classes?
Uh... two I think.
Whats your name?
Kevin Cooper.
Alright Kevin, here is your schedule for this summer.
You can wait in the gym until its time for class.
Thank you.
I guess you could say I'm good with adults, I can be polite. I usually cuss like a sailor, but around parents and teachers I try to be polite. Its basically a front. I cover over the person I really am so that people will just overlook me as normal.
I walk into the gym, holy shit.
I haven't seen half these kids in like 3 years.
They are staring.
I would too if I was them.
Honestly I have changed a lot.
In 6th grade I had short hair and wore athletic clothes.
Walking in the gym with skinny jeans and long hair could surprise anyone.
I don't say anything.
I sit and stare at the gym floor, which also looks new.
I'm sitting and thinking.
Sitting.
Thinking.
My mind often wonders off, thinking of the past and future.
Never does my mind think about the present.
I'm alright with that.
I think of the last time I was here.
Why I left, why I couldn't just stick it out and get closer to the kids and spend 7 years with them leaving my school career with really good friends?
Fuck if I know, but now Its like making new friends with people I once knew.
A history teacher my sister had while at this school, Mr. Gordon walks into the gym. He's the typical older man that stays at a school for a long time. Some people like him others don't.
He speaks.
Welcome to summer school at Faith Academy.
Five teachers stood beside him, all smiling.
We are here not for the pay...
bullshit
..but to help all of you achieve your academic goals.
We are taking time out of our summer to work with you to pass the classes
you have failed to put effort into.
I sit.
I listen.
He calls out names and each teacher standing beside him takes about 15 kids each.
He calls my name.
People stare.
I stare.
Usually people stare at others,cause they know they wont stare back or do anything.
I stare back.
They look away.
I walk towards the teacher assigned to me.
Shes gorgeous.
Blond hair.
Blue eyes.
We go to our classroom, I know maybe five or six of the students.
They stare.
I stare.
Its like they know who I am, but don't really know if it's actually me.
I walked out on them, and the relationships I had.
Even in 6th grade I made relationships.
Then threw it all away.
I have changed a lot.
They have changed a lot.
All the desks in the room are facing toward to front, while the teachers desk is in the back.
She gives us a speech about hard work and leaving early.
I am very glad you all have chosen to come to Faith Academy and finish classes you have failed or just not completed. You will be working at your own pace and can leave whenever you are finished with your classes. Each class has 10 books. Each book contains about 15 lessons.
She hands out the books.
Complete bullshit.
It makes me laugh.
People stare.
I stare.
Along with the Faith Academy students, there are students from other schools around that do not have summer school programs. I know not even one of them.
I look around the room.
There is beauty.
There is not.
Its weird seeing the kids I once knew in 6th grade not wearing the uniforms that are required at Faith Academy.
They actually own a pair of jeans.
I laugh again.
People stare.
Fuck, I'm weird.
I have always been smart, just never really applied myself.
I did things just in time to not fail.
I have to finish early.
I can blow past all these squares.
A bell rings.
My teacher speaks.
You have an hour for lunch. If you drive you can leave but be back be 12:45 or we will call your parents.
I walk out the door.
Some kids I know from my earlier years at Faith are painting the walls of the school.
I guess they are in trouble for something.
I laugh to myself.
That must suck.
I walk outside to the benches.
I sit down.
I look around.
The sun is shining.
Ah Fuck, they have those trees that smell like shit.
Everywhere.
My grandparents have those trees all in their yard.
Some kids come and sit down and eat.
I know one of them.
Rachael.
She stares.
I stare.
She has become a pretty girl.
I can tell she isn't my type though.
Honestly I don't know what my type is.
There are kids of all ages here.
Mostly annoying middle school kids.
All the high school kids have left with older friends to go out to eat or something. So I am stuck here with middle school kids and Rachael.
She speaks.
Do you remember me?
I laugh.
Yes of course.
What school did you go to after you left here.
I explain.
I moved schools every year until this year, hopefully I'm coming back here for the last three years of high school.
Awesome. High school here is better than middle school was. You will like it.
Hopefully.
She stares.
I stare.
She strikes me as the usual immature soon to be Sophomore.
I'm used to it, so It doesn't phase me.
The workers I saw earlier walk out the door all covered in white paint.
I know all of them. Even the older workers I recognise as people my sister graduated with a few years back. They all seem so happy. What is up with these people?
They stare.
I stare.
Lunch ends.
I go back to class and finish as much work as I can before 2:30.
The first day of hell ends. Finally.
I walk down the stairs and walk towards the front doors of the school.
Sitting on the ground, I see a girl smiling at me.
I know her.
I smile back.
She speaks.
Are you coming here next year?
I hope so.
She stares.
I'm not able to stare back.
I cant quit smiling.
My heart is beating fast.
I rush out the doors.
I smile.
Its over.
I smile.

My mom asks me questions.
How was your day? Did you see any of your old friends? Are you excited to come back?
I blow them off with yes and no.
We arrive at home, which is basically worse than summer school. My punishment for not passing my classes is that while I'm in summer school I cant do anything. I come home I read, or play guitar. Music is my thing right now. Well, has been my thing for awhile now. I play in a not so serious band. The music is too hard for my parents liking but they understand.
I guess I only care about music right now. I get in the stages where I enjoy certain things for a period of time but for some reason music has always been there. I'm glad it has been a prolonged stage because I enjoy it and I'm good at it.

A wake again, early as shit.
Go to school.
I finish two lessons.
Lunch times comes I walk out to my spot I sat at yesterday.
I turn the corner, there she is.
I stare.
She stares.
I look away.
She speaks.
Hey, whats up?
Hey.
She has McDonalds.
I don't have anything to eat.
I couldn't eat right now anyway.
Shes gorgeous.
Captivating.
I can clearly see that she doesn't see the same in me.
I'm ok with that.
Who am I kidding.
I'm not ok with that, but I'll have to be.
Her name comes back to me.
Amy.
Amy Lyons.
I first met her in fifth grade.
Shes always been tall.
She has turned out to be a beautiful girl.

She and Rachael seemed to be friends.
Talking about old times. Along with new ones.
Being at an all guys school for a year, its nice to be hanging out with girls for a change. Its even better to be hanging out with Amy. I just reconnected but I can see us being close, even if its just friends.
How have you been? She asks.
Good I guess. you?
Pretty good, I'm just trying to make money over the summer and they let some of the students work here over the summer.
I sit.
I listen.
I smile.
She talks about volleyball and how practices start soon. She talks about my sister and her sister being friends. She talks and talks and I like it.
Lunch ends and we say our goodbyes and maybe she'll see me later.
God, I hope so.
I walk to class and finish two more lessons in the remaining hour and a half left in the day.
School ends, finally.
I walk towards the double doors, there she is again.
She smiles.
I smile.
She stares.
I look away.
I walk out the doors.
I'm smiling.

Everyday is the same. I love it.
We eat.
We talk.
She talks, I listen.
2 weeks pass.
We eat.
We talk.
I'm finishing school very fast. My parents seem to be proud of me for the first time in awhile. I like the feeling.
I'm happy, I'm happy with the feeling of waking up every morning and going to see her. Going to a place of safety it feels like. Faith Academy is safe.
Safe.
We sit.
We talk.
I'm happy.
It all seems simple to me now.
3 weeks go by.
I'm finished.
For the first time in my life I want to be in school.
As I walk down stairs to meet my mom, I look for Amy.
I take the long way around.
She isn't there.
I still smile.

I return to my friends, my band, and my life.
Band practices, video games, and guitar fill my summer days.
I talk to Amy online almost everyday.
We talk about everything possible.
Even when I thought we would run out of topics.
It never ends, and I like it.
Are you going on the retreat?
I guess so. I hope everyone remembers me.
They will, you haven't changed much.
I smile.
That a good thing?
Of course.
I think of how different she is from my usual preppy girl.
I mean, fuck. She has a picture of her eating a huge ass hamburger for Christs sake.
I can't explain how she is, or who she is. I don't even know who she is. All I know is that I love being near her.
Today is July 18th, 2007.
I am now 16 years of age.
Sweet 16 some people may call it.
I see it as one more year closer to my death.
One more year to look back on and see mistakes I have made, memories I have made.
Its a time where I receive money, which I have never understood why.
I still do not complain, money is always nice.

In a month my school is going on a school retreat.
Each grade goes on their own trip to "get closer".
My sister has told me all about them.
I am not very thrilled due to the fact that I have not seen any of these people in years.
I left them because I couldn't work hard enough to stay there.
I with I would have never left, I would not have to go through this shit.

Since I am returning to Faith, I have to attend an interview.
My mom and I arrive.
She gives me the usual pep talk about being honest and to just be myself.
That is one thing I like about mother, she expects nothing except just being myself.
I am honestly excited to be returning.

We walk into the front double doors.
I'm smiling.
Amy is at volleyball practice like 30 yards away.
I'm smiling.
A few teachers and administrators shake my hand.
They talk and talk.
I nod occasionally.
Ive heard the same bullshit at every school I have been to. I have been to 5 so far in my life.
Hopefully this will be the last time a hear this speech.
We are very excited you have chosen to come back to Faith Academy to further you academic ability. Kevin we know you are very bright and have a lot of potential. We expect only the best from you.
Yes ma'am.
Well I guess we will see you in a few days for the retreat. Are you excited?
Yes, Sounds great. I will be here.
If I could speak what I am really thinking even a third of the time, not one person would look at me the same. Fuck no I'm not excited, who wants to go play games to get to know each other. Things like this fucking ruin all respect I have in humanity. We are not ten years old.
I wonder how the administrator would react to me saying that.
One day.
Ill try it.
Its nice seeing you again Kevin.
I don't even remember you, bitch.
Nice seeing you too.
I walk the long way around to the car so I can peek in the gym and see her.
She's laughing, and smiling.
I don't know why, but it makes me smile.
A big smile at that.

I told Amy that I had feelings for her.
She said she felt like she needed time and needed time to think.
My heart dropped.
I don't know what to say, to do.
I'm embarrassed.
Horribly.
Fuck.
This usually doesn't happen. Ever.
Fuck.
A week passes by.
I talk to her occasionally.
I'm trying to forget the mindset of Amy.
I'm trying to block out her smile, her happiness.
Honestly, after becoming close to her during summer school she is the reason I went to that interview. Shes the reason I was excited to come back to Faith.
Fuck.
Another week passes.
She e-mails me.
I Honestly think I like you, I have just never really had a boyfriend and did not know what to think. I'm sorry if i made you mad or whatever.
I smile.
Thank God.



It is August 16th.
The day of the glorious retreat.
I talked to Amy on the phone for the first time last night.
For A minute and a half.
I had no reason to call, but wanted to anyway.
Hey it's Kevin.
Hey what are you doing?
Just playing guitar. You?
Getting ready for tomorrow's retreat.
I laugh.
are you excited?
Not really, but I guess a little.
I'm not at all. I don't really know why I called. I'll see you tomorrow.
Its alright. See you tomorrow.
Bye.
Bye.
Heart beating fast.
I'm smiling.
Smiling.




I AM NOT WRITING ANYMORE OF THIS BOOK ON BLOGGER.
If I did I would make no money when publishing comes around.
Thank you for reading this far.
I feel like I have a story of love, passion, hate, anger, addiction, ect. to tell. I will try to publish this work after it is completed.
Oh, and Fuck anyone who copies my ideas. Live your own life.
Thank you,
Kevin Cooper